Miss Bored Existentialist

“My kids are going to be shocked when they become adults and learn that I’ve basically been playing a character for their entire lives. All day long I have to pretend like I care about everything. I’m a laid back guy. I could actually care less if they make their beds. Or if they scratch the walls. But my character has expectations. He says what he means and he does what he says. My character hates video games. He barely allows them in the house. And he’ll banish them immediately when rules are broken. But I actually play Mario Kart all the time when they’re at school. Last week my character got really upset. He threatened to throw away candy if the kids didn’t stop wrestling. When the wrestling continued, he was forced to follow through. I really thought it was a safe move. It’d been so long since Halloween. I was sure there’d be nothing good left, maybe just some chalky wafer things. But the kid was saving the best stuff for last. It was brutal. Full sized candy bars. There were tears. I didn’t want to do it, but my character had to keep his word. Then later I fished them out of the trash and ate them all.”

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.